Why is it so Hard for me to get Motivated
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Why is it so Hard for me to get Motivated? I don’t understand it, I had such good intentions getting out of the house today, going shopping or moving or walking around Something! But now that funk, that frustration, that depression, has trapped me again within the confines of my room. And I feel like eating again, giving up, not even trying. I received a bunch of emails yesterday, telling me that the positions which I felt I had the most opportunity of getting had been filled. The jobs that gave me the greatest hope, vanished and I am scared. Scared that when my unemployment runs out I will be left with nothing.
I have thought of suicide before, I got really close when I was just laid off, even called the hot line ( I’ll never do that again, 4 squad cars showed up at my house, I just wanted to talk to someone, and all of a sudden cops were pounding on my door). But you reach a point where you have no hope, you see no future, and you wonder WHY EVEN TRY!
But there is a little voice inside of me, that says getup, do something, you have at least another month of unemployment maybe more, if they extend your benefits. There is the slightest chance that there is a job out there for me. A flicker of hope in a sea of darkness.
Motivation is an interesting thing. Fear, survival, flight are primal motivators, instinctual examples of self preservation. But within this complex world, we fear not having a job, surviving with out any money, and we escape within food or drugs, or even television, I find myself saying “I just can’t deal with this any more” and find myself just turning on a show which turns into two, which turns into 4, which turns into 8, which turns into another day wasted. I avoid my problems by slipping into a fantasy world, allowing the images and drama to wash over me until I am numb. And with the internet it’s so easy to watch compelling drama, or comedy, or adventure, and you lose yourself within the story.
And all the while your muscles atrophied, and it gets harder and harder for you to get up. And you get so out of shape that you are where I am now, trying to will myself, to start again.
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magnoliazz,you took the words right out of my mouth! I was going to say that it isn't the size of the body that made you unmotivated. I have been there before, trust me. We all have. Take one day at a time. Don't get discouraged. If you need to talk, there are friends here who is willing to listen. Life in generl is tough. It is always a rocky road but that makes life more interesting. Peace:)
magnoliazz Level 2 Commenter 2 years ago
Guess what? Everyone feels the way you do! Everyone stuggles with motivation. You just have to grit your teeth and keep on going. This is life, this is survival!
Although, I have to admit, you are up against a lot. I wish you could find an anti-deppresant that would help you, it may even alter your brain chemistry enough to keep you from overeating.
I think most people see someone in your situation and think...If not for the grace of God, that could be me! Its not all your fault, so don't beat yourself up over it.
For me, a personal relationship with God has helped me through every tough spot in my life. Prayer will help you lose weight. Just like an alcoholic, us overeaters need God's help.
Also, once you get to a more stable lifestyle again, think about getting a pet. A pet makes you forget about yourself, and they are wonderful company. My pets have helped me get through the most horrible things. They are always there for you, they love you unconditionally, and they are faithful. Humans have a lot to learn from animals.
Please look into that social security disability. You might even want to think of moving to a more rural area of the country, there are more resources available in smaller communities for people like you. If worse comes to worse, you could probably live at a nursing home until you get on disability of some kind! ( It would be a lot better than being homeless.) I give you alot of credit for working for the last 8 years in your condition, that took monumental motivation and you should get some credit for that.