If I Ruled the World Chocolate would be a Food Group

The other day I went to the doctors and he told me that my cholesterol was high, that my blood pressure was off the charts, and I broke the scale when I stood on it.

My doctor said eating healthy doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems.

He said just think in colors...

Fill your plate with bright colors...

+ greens,
+ yellows,
+ reds,
+ etc.

So I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&Ms

And sure enough, I felt better immediately.

I never knew eating right could be so easy.

Actually eating a healthy diet is not that complicated and no mater how much I would like chocolate to be a major food group, fruits and vegetables must be a main stay of most diets. And even though I have a lot of issues with the USDA, over the last 15 years or so they have provided us with the information and tools needed to eat right, live healthy, and understand the nutrition in the food items that we buy. Following some basic nutritional guidelines you can develop a healthy menu plan to lose weight safely and regain your health and vitality.

A wonderful spot for ideas, information and dietary guidelines is the new USDA’s MyPyramid.gov site http://www.mypyramid.gov there you can learn about food groups,, get healthy eating tips, and well as help in planning healthy menus.

Of course the only food pyramid that most Americans use is the fast food pyramid, and the only dietary choices that most of us make are weather to go to McDonald’s or Burger King.

And so in the spirit of the American dream diet I present to you the top ten dietary rules that I would change it I ruled the world and controlled the Universe

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

3. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person.

4. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food group.

5. If you have a drink in your right hand, anything eaten with the other hand has no calories. It’s called the left handed rule

6. The 10 second rule declared that anything eaten within 10 seconds, or anything that falls on the floor is calorie free

7. Any item bought from charities like Girl Scout cookies of course has no calories and actually make you more divine.

8. Leftovers have half the calories then regular food.

9. Food on toothpicks, or cut into small pieces and served on party trays do not count because they are not actual meals

And finally the number 10

Any food eaten on a holiday or day of celebration does not count toward any dietary plan and can be subtracted from the number of calories from the day before or the day following, unless of course it fall on a Sunday which of course then you get to add a day, because God rested on the seventh day, and therefore had his eyes closed and couldn’t see you eat that extra piece of cake which doesn’t count because of rule number 1.

Aren’t you glad you don’t live in my Universe

Stay healthy, stay safe, and as always

Peace

Jerry (aka FatMan911)