Desire, Disillusionment, and Determination

Well it’s been two more weeks and I haven’t done as well as I wanted to. I only lost 4 more pounds. The trouble is that I pushed myself a little to hard at the beginning of this period and somewhat injured myself, nothing serious but it took a few days for my body to repair itself and I had to increase my nutritional requirements in order to have the building block in order for the body to heal itself especially protein which meant I was eating more and exercising less and all in all I just didn’t lose as much.

That’s what gets me about these shows like “The Biggest Loser” they show these contestants being yelled at and being pushed harder and harder, but every time I try to push myself past a certain point I end up hurting myself. This leads to a little bit of disillusionment on my side. You see I’m doing my best to get physically fit enough to do my play (“The Four Writers” I’ve talked a lot about it you can see my promo video on youtube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y05yqniPWEc ) But I can only push my body so far, and I’m starting to get a little worried that I might not make it in 2 more months. I tried just standing and reading the script and by the time I reached Luke I was sweating and my body was in pain and when I got to John I could barely think strait, and that’s a big problem because I need to put all my energies into my performance and not worry about my body hurting to much to perform.

I would work out for 6 hours strait if my body could take it, but now I’m worried about injuring myself, how far I can push myself, trying to walk that delicate balance of determination and physical ability. And all I can do is keep on keeping on.

 I don’t know if the latest Congressional budgeting for extending unemployment will effect me, I’m running under the assumption that it doesn’t and am pushing myself as hard as I possibly can, because like it or not I have to be ready to survive. God help me if anything serious should go wrong, I’m just barely holding on as it is. So please keep praying for me.

As far as the play’s going I’ve memorized John and am working on Luke. I still don’t know if I want to emphasize a Greek accent for Luke, I already have a old man voice and am working on the fundamentals of a Greek dialect but I don’t want it to be too ethnic because I already have the Hebrew dialect for Matthew and I don’t want it to be a play about dialects. I’m just trying to reach that balance of just a hint of ethnicity so that the words and what I am saying have the most impact. I still haven’t found my costumes but I’m sure they are in my storage unit somewhere, it’s just a matter of feeling good enough to drag everything out and search all my boxes till I find them, hopefully they are in good shape. I use to perform the play with a fairly long beard which I grew out and colored between acts but I’m trying to keep my beard cropped neatly just in case I get called in for a interview in my normal job hunting pursuits, so I’m exploring costume beards to extend my natural beard and to visually distinguish the different characters and I’m running into a little difficulty as to what I want and what I can afford, maybe if the play catches on and I ever make more than just survival revenue I can pursue upgrading varying aspect of the production. I’ve slacked off on the website a little, my hopes is that I will have at least an audio representation of the play so perspective places can hear the show but if I do that I want to add background music and sound effects to enhance the production but then I’m in a quandary because the real production wouldn’t have that because at this point in time it would be impossible for me hire a sound engineer, at best I think I’m only going to pull in 5 bills a performance, probably less, and I will need that to pay rent and just get by. Maybe if it get popular and I’m doing more than 2 show a month I can think about bringing in someone else but know I just hope I can book 2 shows a month so I can survive.

That’s if of course I’m physically fit enough to do the show!

Well keep sending me those good vibes, and keep me in your prayers, I need all the help I can get. I hope all your endeavors are progressing positively you are all in my prayers

And Peace be with you all

Jerry (aka FatMan911)