A Lazy Man's Guide to Weight Loss

What if I told you that all those so called weight loss experts out there are full of more hot air than the Hindenburg blimp, when it was on fire. That I lost more than 100 pound in just a short 3 months doing less and pretty much laying around the house watching TV and I plan to lose a hundred more. That all these amazing weight loss tip don’t even compare to the amount of weight that I just lost, and that I’m healthier, more fit, and that I have more energy than I’ve had in years. Well pop a cold one, have a squat and tell you the lazy mans guide to weight loss.

First let out me lay a quick bio for you; about 7 months ago I found myself unemployed, I use to work with the mentally handicapped, probably the only place that would hire me because of my weight and eventually I got so large that they felt I could not do my job, not that they had any complaints but every time I moved I was out of breath, it was difficult for me to get up and when the economy tanked they uses that opportunity to lay me off. And so for 3 months I laid around house felling sorry for myself, getting more and more depressed. My health was declining and the only time I got out of bed was to get something to eat and have a bowel movement. I got so large that I couldn’t even wipe myself after going to the bathroom; I had to shove a shower hose up my butt in order to clean myself.

So I was in pretty bad shape, no health insurance, no money, looking at being evicted in 3 months, my prospects for employment practically nil, if things didn’t change I was going to kill myself and to tell you the truth I had bought the sleeping pills and razor blades all ready.

I don’t know what turned it around for me, but I often credit an art piece I did of Marilyn Monroe, you see I do art as a hobby, but I look at that piece and convinced myself that I had worth as a human being, that I was going to lose this weight or die trying, which opened me up to radical possibilities. And it has been one of the easiest, most effortless methods of losing weight I have ever done.

I stopped eating.

OK I hear you out there, Oh God I could never do that, I can’t even skip a meal without getting too hungry, I start to binge. And isn’t it bad for you? Don’t you like lose muscle and get weak? No I could never do that, STOP EATING, you must be mad, I could NEVER do that!

BUT WAIT; hear me out before you before you write me off as some crack pot with a death wish.

I went into this with a modicum of intelligence and reason; I took everything that they said was wrong with fasting and solved them instead of throwing out the whole idea, I take protein supplements, went on a juice fast instead of water, eat a meal once a week, take vitamins and mineral supplements, everything that I put into my body has some nutritional value. And the odd thing is that I’m less hungry then I was when I was eating. In fact I’ve been off my fast for close to 2 weeks now, and trying to do everything that the so called experts suggest (eat early, eat often, eat small amounts) and to tell you the truth it been the hardest 2 weeks I’ve ever spent. I’m going back on my fast because it’s so easy.

Now the particulars of what exactly I’m doing I will write in a future hub or you can read some of my previous postings (I suggest  Day Ten – Recap and Review, it has a pretty good summery of my process http://hubpages.com/hub/Day-Ten-Recap-and-Review ) But what I’m doing works, I’ve lost 100lbs and I plan to lose 100 more, Will I have to eventually change how I eat? ABSOLUTELY! Will I have to start exercising? MOST CERTAINLY! But I’m saving that for the last hundred I have to lose. For right now I just want to get the weight off me, it will help me move around, be more active, and most important, increase my marketability in this declining job market, and it will open me up to greater opportunities which were denied me because of my weight, and all by just being lazy, and doing less then I did when I was fat (well fatter)

And if you think about it, I’m not doing that much different then those people who go through bypass surgery, for the first few months after the operation they have to go on a liquid diet, I just sort of expanded it, added a few niceties like going out occasionally for a decent meal, and usually keeping my calorie intake below 700, but other than that I’m doing what people have been doing for hundreds of years, I just make it more pleasant to go through.

Oh I should throw in the disclaimer about seeing your doctor before starting any weight loss program, bla bla bla, you all have heard it a million time, if you got the money, and you got the insurance, it’s always better to be safe then sorry. But my experience is that the doctors only know what the pharmaceutical companies taught them, and if they can’t make a buck off of it, they are not interested in learning anything about it, but make sure your tickers running good and all your organs are functioning properly, I don’t know what type of stress this places on your body, I’m not a scientist, but I feel fine, I haven’t had any complications or problems,. But then my physical makeup might be different from yours, so monitor yourself, go to the doctor and get yourself check out occasionally, stay healthy, and stay safe, is always a motto to live by.

Through this whole process I’ve gone through a few different thing, allowed some of that light processed soup, drank different juices, added soy milk and fish oil, but for the most part it’s been a fast I did 30 year ago just after the Vietnam War, and both times I lost around 100lbs in 3 months; the first time I was young and weighed around 350lbs this time I’m a old fart and weighed in over 510lbs. So if your morbidly obese, and in relatively good shape, give it a try, it might be just the answer your looking for.

Good luck and I we’ll catch you on the flip side

Peace

Jerry (aka FatMan911)