140lbs Weight Loss
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Well Folks 140lbs lost, but it really doesn’t matter because I just got the bad news that in a little more than a week’s time my unemployment benefits will run out and there is no more extensions. I might be able to hold on for a month or so but time is quickly running out. I had hoped to be in better physical shape, but I just don’t see myself able to do my show yet. It hasn’t been for want of trying, I exercise as hard as I can, I live on 500 to 700 calories a day, but no mater what I do, I can’t force the body to magically lose weight and get into better shape, it somewhat has it’s own timetable and unfortunately that timetable does not match my reality.
Needless to say I’ve been depressed for the last week or so, and with the news today I feel like I’m going into a catatonic state of total despair. They say that God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle but tell that to all the individuals who have needed to be institutionalized, or all the people who have committed suicide. People can become overwhelmed.
I think this depression is worse than when I was first laid off, because I’ve worked so hard to change and improve myself and know it all feels like it was for nothing. If I would have stayed fat I probably could have got onto some type of disability, not that I’m in any great shape now, I’m still 370lbs, I still can’t walk up levels with out some type of railing or hand hold, and I still look and move as someone who is super morbidly obese, because lets face it I am.
But you think anyone cares that I’m working hard to improve myself? No my life has no meaning.
I don’t know how much longer I will have internet access or a roof over my head, or a car, or anything. And so I just ask you to pray for me.
I will leave you with a couple of poems I wrote even before I got the bad news
Peace
Jerry (aka fatman911)
The Discordant Harmonies of Silence
Rhymes beat, hearts pound
But the silence we hold within
Too deafening an anguished cry
Which mocks
At life’s traveled misery
And yet
To subtle for anyone to notice
Or care
We hold ourselves at the
Brink of Oblivion
In desperate devastation
And performed the rituals of life
Once lived
Or dreamt
Or pursued
No more
In this mockery of silence
We sneer knowingly
The end is
So very near.
AWAKENING SORROW
Cascading rays of sunlit mourning
Affronts my peaceful slumber
In the bleak revelation
That I am afforded
Yet another day
Of misery
Prayers unanswered
As to my demise
I turn my head and cry
How much longer
Oh God,
How much longer
Must I survive?
And In coherent lies
I stumble about my life
I Stumble about my Life!
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I am praying God will be your every provision.
Lord, touch Jerry right now and lift him up from his depression and encourage him with provision that only you can give. You are my Father and I trust you and I ask that Jerry will not do without and that you will meet his every need, for your word says that you will supply all our needs in Christ Jesus. The Israelites thought they would starve in their wilderness experience, but you sent provision to them in miraculous ways and I ask that you would do this for
Jerry as he walks through his time of wilderness. Work miracles that he may see the hand of God providing for his every need. Protect and keep Him in Christ Jesus -Amen
I know you're going through a tough time, but don't give up! Your readers are rooting for you on your journey. You're in my prayers.
I will be praying for you...
Jerry, have you ever heard of Chris Powell? He helped a young man named David lose over 400 lbs. They are looking for individuals that have at least 200 lbs to lose. Check out this link. I'm a huge fan of Chris Powell and admire him so much. I know he could help you. http://www.reshapethenation.com/
Jerry, at the bottom of the page for Reshape the Nation there was a contact button. I sent them a message on your behalf asking Chris Powell to please help you and provided a link to this profile.
How can you say that 140 lbs weight loss was for nothing?! i admire your courage to face your problems. Don't despair. You have to be your very own best advocate. I believe in the power of prayer and the response to this hub alone, tells me you have plenty of that power coming your way and I am adding mine to it.
Jerry,
Don't loose faith. There are plenty of platitudes we could spout out to you but the fact that Jesus loves you is the most important. We must open our eyes and see where that love is leading us. pay attention to the small insignificant details that is where the answer will be. I know He will not let the work you have done be for naught.
As for the weight loss being all for nothing, look at all the people who met and love you thru this hub. Even if you have to temp. sell out on your art and go to the beach and do those funny portraits there is always someting.
Now pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and don't disapoint us.
Keep on Keeping on.
My prayers,
Bill
jandee 23 months ago
Very sad words !Reminds me of more sadness such as the needless death of the young and beautiful grandaughter of Nelson Mandela also the vibrant youngsters who died in a coach accident in south africa this week,such a waste and heartache to all the families...One profile I read and admired ,also from a hubber from south africa,said how delighted he was to awaken daily to the adventures of life or words to that affect,keep well and best regards,jand.